I don't really have a pressing issue that I wanna touch on but resting at home these past few days have got me thinking. I'm gonna touch the "thirty cents" period soon - friends of equivalent age of mine have already settled down, so to speak, get married, have a loving husband,have kids....As for me, I'm still the same- swinging here and there, with every care and concern suppressed within me, perhaps only those closest will know some of the issues that have been playing in my mind. I'm thankful that I've come this far - a career (I guess, being around kids is the most fun thing), financially independent, support of close friends and family but sometimes, what I feel that I lack is the emotional support that comes from someone else (not friends coz they've been great),but someone of the other half. I can get them from my close friends, no doubt, but i guess it's different. For starters, they have their own lives and issues to deal with and may not be able to deal with me all the time. I totally get that and I am happy with whatever they can provide me so far.....

Undoubtedly, this will bring me back to an episode in my life many years back where there was someone who was willing to be my "rock", so to speak. He was a nice person, so considerate of our differences, especially to places where we ate coz he knew my constraints. Ever so patient and a gentleman, always making sure that I reached home safely, even following me to watch a soccer match once even though he totally knew nuts about football. Totally shocking me with words like "You don't be surprised if I come to your house and propose to you one day." which to me were insane words at that time coz we just started out and barely knew each other inside out. The way in which he approached me at a fast pace (he said it was coz he knew I wouldn't be working there long) was startling to me at that time coz I was and am still scared of people moving too fast. Sweet gestures like that which I could not appreciate at that time coz I thought that I still had all the time to board a "better" bus, a bus that was to be stationed in our local shores only for a few years. Thinking back, maybe I should not have put him aside for a "better" bus - coz I didn't board that bus, much as I want to but it was not accepting passengers. What would have happened if I had been with him, would we have been happily married and have kids now? Was he "The One" that I have missed coz my heart was blind enough to realise it? Could there never be a better "One" than him?

I guess, at this point, I don't really know but I do have a slight tinge of regret for not accepting him in my life. Anyhow, it's a history and as all historical events should be, locked up in our memory to be taken out and cherished at some point in time. I've made it a point to remember his birthday though (I still do) and during those early years, would make an effort to send him a card as a remembrance of his short existence in my life. I don't now though coz he may be married and what would his wife think. I don't wanna be the cause of anything falling apart. He may have moved too. I haven't seen him for a while (the last time being across the Causeway) but I guess it's for the best. I wouldn't know what to say or how to react.

"J, you will always be my 'Big Bird'. Thanks for the sweet memories. I do hope that you are happy and blissful wherever you are and with whoever you may be." - Hazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qtP_tw3B70